Me and My Real Family - Part 2 (05.27.18)


Pastor Saul Continues our new series this week on Family!


How to Deal with the Real versus Ideal

I.      Intro: Last week we looked at a family in Ruth Ch 1 that almost lost it all when they decided to leave Judah (worship, praise, church attendance, faith), but they decided to come back to God and God redeemed them.  The Naomi/Ruth Paradox – For Naomi, going back was the only way to move forward.  For Ruth, going back was not an option.  She chose to move forward and never look back.  Both, in their own way, MOVED FORWARD…closer to God’s plan for their lives!

We also looked at the FOUNDATION FOR EFFECTIVE PARENTING IS TO DEVELOP A PASSIONATE AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS.  Why? Jesus said, For apart from ME, you can do nothing. Jn 15:5.  The Bible declares “Except the LORD build the house, they labor in vain that build it…” Ps 127:1   Deuteronomy 5 says before you can train up a child, you must love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind.

a.     You develop this relationship with God by first making HIM your SAVIOR, MASTER (Teacher) and Lord...not just your Savior.  Then you intentionally, regularly separate time to pray, study, serve, sing, prioritize, serve His majesty... did I say serve?

II.     REAL VERSUS IDEAL – The fact is me and my family

a.     Live in a fallen world!  This world is irreparably broken, totally corrupt and irreversible degenerate. 
b.     Is made up of sinners.
i.     Every single person, no matter age, stage, phase is a natural born sinner.  Fully capable of doing great harm, having detrimental hang-ups, hurts and habits. Psalm 51 "Surely, I was sinful at birth, from the time I was conceived." Romans 3:23 For All have sinned and have fallen short… of God’s standards
ii.     All the way back to our first family.  They lost the ideal, paradise because of SIN.

c.     Each family member is uniquely imperfect. (Defective - insecure, inadequate & incomplete)

1.     Adam-Absent, shifts the blame, (Wife & God)

2.     Eve-Taken away by what she sees...emotional, not rooted in knowledge, faith, and trust in God’s character.  She too looks for scapegoats…

3.     Cain – Petty, Jealous, Selfish, Competitive and ultimately view himself thru the lens of someone else’s relationship with God.  To his detriment and destruction, he compared himself with Abel’s relationship with God.  God was interested in a one-on-one relationship.

4.     Abel-Never a mention of building relationship with Cain.  It seemed much to easy for Cain to decide to kill him.  On many occasions, our faults and failures are rooted in sins of omission and negligence.


i.  Just because we live in a fallen world, it doesn't mean we justify our condition and normalize it.
ii.  Jesus always taught the ideal, and yet never condemns us when we fail to live up to it (the real).  Grace-Truth Tension (Andy Stanley)
iii.  Jesus teaching on divorce  They want to know about right now, when can we get divorced...Jesus points to the ideal...Mathew 19: 4-8 (From the beginning it was not so, ...two became one.  Two become one.  What God joins let no man separate.
iv.  Jesus teaching on murder.  Mathew 5:21 If you are angry you have committed murder...same for adultery-lust, making oaths, love your enemy, turn the cheek...HE TAUGHT THE IDEAL, but gives grace when you don't measure up.  "I do not condemn you, now go and sin no more" (So is it a rule or what, we cannot separate what God joins, but you have grace when we fall, which is it? Jesus answers, "YES".  Its both.  Its yes and yes.
v.  We don't ignore the ideal, just so that we normalize the real.  We don't reject His Word , or pretend He didn't say it, just so we are comfortable our real.

III.   ME is the key word in Me and my Real family

a.     Bible teaching on ALL CONFLICT

i.     James 4:1 Why are there quarrels among you? Answer: because he doesn't keep his promises, because she doesn't listen, because they don't treat me right....the problem is THEM.  As long as you blame others for your unhappiness, you will never be happy. 

1.     Verse 2.  Quarrels and conflicts all have one underlying reason.  Desires that battle within you.  So the problem is not her, him, the kids, the job, 1000 different quarrels...

ii.      You don't get what you want!  This is the root of ALL quarrels.

1.     But its not that I want it, its that I deserve it, we promised each other, he broke his vows......even this is the same, you WANT HIM TO KEEP HIS PROMISE., you aren't getting what you want....

2.     Stanley says all should tell their spouse or family member, "you know what the problem here is, I'm not getting what I want"

 iii.     Vs 2 "You do not get what you want because you don't ask God"

1.     We try to squeeze things out of people that can't give it.  Ask God.  Pray to God about it.

b.     In a Nutshell: The Bible’s Principles for a Healthy Family: These proven principles are Holy Spirit Inspired and have a passed the test of time!  You would do well to put them in practice… the rewards would be invaluable, incalculable & eternal.

i.     Eph 5: Really not very many good examples of family, so Paul just gives the teaching.

1.      Husbands love… your wife…like Christ love and died for the Church

2.     Wives Honor… your husband (respect, submit, yield, defer willingly)

3.     Fathers do not exasperate (do not provoke, push, harass your children to anger).  Rules without Relationships = Rebellion also Relationships without Rules/Enforced Expectations = Insubordination & Disrespect

4.     Children Obey 

·       It’s the fifth Commandment but the first to get rewarded: Honor and Obey your parent…

·       Obedience is better than sacrifice…

ii.     Guiding & Abiding Principle:

1.     Mutual Submission (vs 21) (Stanley says ask: "What can I help you with today?)